Tonight I’m having myself a little ‘End of maternity leave Christmas party’. No one else is celebrating it’s just me, on the sofa with a brew and my pjs on all very low key, except for the Christmas Baileys nestled by my slippers (Well you’ve got to) And I’m not so much celebrating as much as marking this moment. Sure I have a lot to celebrate, it’s the end of an era! A pretty big era, actually. A pretty big season of my life is coming to a close.

I’ve spent the last six years having and raising babies and in between conceiving, incubating and squeezing, I’ve gone to and from employment. It has been a long, hard slog. It’s had extreme highs and sweaty, sleepy lows. Moments of praying time to fly by; willing the nights to be longer and wishing the days away. Through personal sickness, infant sickness, life’s hits and life’s highs my husband and I have journeyed through raising a big family. Many have looked on and asked why we’ve chosen to go big. Many have questioned our mental ability and most are just baffled by how we do what we do.

I always wanted chaos. Organised chaos I call it because there is always a method to the madness, a purpose to my plan. I willed each pregnancy test to read positive, I spoke life over the life growing within me and even in the midst of loosing two little lives that we longed for we still kept pushing on. This is the life I wanted. I live with my answered prayers.

So I raise my cup of tea to the depths of grief, the loss and sweaty, painful nights experienced. I tip my cup to the joy, the relief, the laughs and so much love if my heart had arms they would constantly be holding on to each blessed moment.

Motherhood is not an easy road to tread. If it’s thrust upon you or each step carefully marked, whichever way it happens it’s definitely not a journey for the faint hearted and my journey is far from over, God willing, but the baby stage is four months from being over and I look forward to jumping into a new season in two weeks time.

So, Jen, happy ‘End of maternity leave Christmas party’ enjoy yourself, drink responsibly because you’ve no chance of a lie in ever again and relax because… “IT’S CHRISTMAS!!”

(And yes that is a child’s empty cup I’m holding because, well you’ve gotta to toast with something and I just came down from putting the kids to bed. It’s all rock and roll)

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